I SPY....

I see you, I see all of you. I know what lurks beneath your thin veneer that is your personality. I see what most others cannot. I see your broken parts, your spitefulness and your need for control in all things. That is my gift, the gift that lets me glimpse under the mask of others. To perceive the unseen of humanity, the hidden in the depths of the soul. For it is not vanity that makes me speak this truth, it is just a fact of my person. Natures gift to me since birth, both a burdened curse and great ability of strength. It allows me to out maneuver you, as I do everyday; you throw your negative spiteful words at me. I show nothing on my face, or react in any outward way, but inside I laugh. For I know me just as I know you, my faults, weaknesses, and desires. I blame no other for my life, I who made my choices leading me here, but you look to others for blame. You who tries to rule those who are of stronger character then yourself, those who are more then you. I feel your shame for you, pity you and yet snicker at your vain attempts to be something else, your inability to hide what you are. I would not mourn you should you leave, in fact I often wish for that very thing to happen. One day I will be free of you, and you will have no one left to be spiteful of other then yourself. You will no longer be able to try to smother the good in others who are your betters, and without such you will wither into nothing.

Philosophy: I am not the only one out there!

        Recently I have begun my pursuit in a college degree towards being a Social Worker, and while picking out my courses I was handed a list of classes that I was able to take for my electives.

         Seeing Philosophy on there was kismet, and so I chose it with zeal. I've always been an arguer so to speak when involving things most people don’t think to question, though I hardly ever spoke my arguments out loud least I be thought of as a weirdo. Yet here I am now starting in a class full of people who think like me, people who question everything both physical and metaphysical.

         A year or so ago I debated with a family member about the existence of trees, which most likely sounds insane to you, but it was something my mind swung to allot. Just for a second consider it, when you look at a tree you think simply “this is a tree”, while I think, “why is this called a tree”, “who named it a tree”. From there you have to ask yourself who names anything in the world, was it god or man. Then you have to question the name god, and ask yourself “does he possess another name, or is it simple just God?” Did he name himself God? If so does that make him the epitome of all Gods since the word God refers to a species of being, or does that just make God a narcissist?

        I also question the physical-ness of us as corporeal beings, that is to say are we actually solid or are we only that way because we perceive it to be so? Could we not instead be a bunch of little molecules and atoms stuck together giving us basic form, like a painting done with Pointillism (pictures painted with dots that form a whole). Either way I am over joy-ed at the notion of embarking in this class; to know I am not the only one out there who thinks as I do is a blessing in itself.

the three 3 stages

My Dad's new wife seems to be having another one of her menopausal fits again. She seems to have them almost once a month like PMS. It starts off with stage 1: She acts like I'm not in the room. This is something that I actually enjoy because its no secret that I'm not a fan of hers and usually when she's in a good mood and talkative I have to waste time thinking up benign subjects to prattle on about with her for whenever we cross paths in the house. This is energy consuming cause while shes waxing poetic about her family and a slew of other things I don't care to know about I have to strain my self to keep an expression on my face that says both "I'm listening intently" and " I care about your life". It's draining.

Then we reach stage 2: This one bothers me slightly. She watches me like a hawk might watch a worm before it sweeps down to gobble it. She watches so she can find something to complain about. Then she'll either whisper her complaint to my father (if we are all in the same room), or she'll text him at work to register her grievances. This is childish. plain and simple.

We are now in stage 3: Mind you I usually just muddle through all these stages but oven blocking me is just mean. She knows i wait till her and dad cook before i do my cooking and eating cause I don't want to be in any ones way or have them in mine. but during this stage she purposely finds ways to be in the kitchen when I need it.  Grrr!!!


Im done ranting.

Purpose

           I feel like if my life were a movie this would be that inspiring moment in my life. The instance where I find my foot hold, my niche in this world. It would be spontaneous, like I read or saw something and BAM. My life made since. There was meaning and purpose behind it all. A hidden quality that was always with in me yet just now discovered.


           To bad for us all that reality doesn't work that way. So I ask the people out there... How do you know what to do with your life? How do you find the one thing that your good at and turn it in to something great or at the very least something fulfilling. 

           My problem is that I know I have something in me that wants out. A need that wants to be filled. I just cant figure out what it is. It's like a phantom itch. You feel the need to scratch it yet cant pinpoint where it is exactly, usually it goes on till it hits the point where it gets so itchy it's almost painful. This is my dilemma. This un-found quality or piece of me is in need of a good scratch, so much so that it's painful yet still I search in vain. Always close but never able to reach it.  


           So where do you go from there? How do you grasp something unseen and out of reach. How do you find true purpose without knowing all there is to know about yourself? How could you ever be fully fulfilled without it?

Fifty Shades Of Grey Trilogy

This Book is something I heard about through word of mouth and decided to read because I was told quite a few times by a couple friends that it was a great book..

Spoilers may be in this so reader beware:..

        This is something that started off as a fan fiction of twilight or so I've been told. There are Some connections I was able to make. The mothers the doctor in the book instead of the father like in twilight. There are only 3 adopted children instead of 5 like in twilight. The main man in the book Mr. Christian Grey who I suppose started off as the Edward Cullin of the book. He plays piano like Edward and holds his self aloof like the twilight character..

        That being said... I've read quiet a few reviews of the books after I completed the trilogy. It's a hit with sales but there are others who complain its garbage.
        These are erotic books plain and simple. There are sex scenes every 3 to five pages and if your looking for something with more story behind all the sex and babbling insecurities of the lead woman Mrs. Anastasia Steele, then don't Erotica read a romance.

        This book is a book that will get your blood pumping, your heart rate up and your thighs squeezing together. I assume that's what the author was going for. I also admit that the angle of him being molested was a risky move for any author and I will admit when I first read that he still talked to the woman who did all those horrible things to him I almost burned the book but alas my OCD reading habit won't let me rest till I finish a series or trilogy no matter if I like the book or not. Other then the gross relationship between the male character and the pedophile it was a good erotica. The only other complaint I had was the woman character was a mass of seething insecurities and was over analytical to the point that she would go over the same thing like five or six times. I could done without that. Now I end this with a congrats to the Author since she's not a person who was a full time writer but someone who took a hobby and turned it in to a success and maybe a life long career.
       

Darkest Powers Trilogy

The Summoning
(Darkest Powers 1) 2008

My name is Chloe Saunders and my life will never be the same again.

All i wanted was to make friends. Meet boys, and keep on being ordinary. I don't even know what that means anymore. It all started on the day that I saw my first ghost-- and the ghost saw me.

Now there are ghost everywhere and they won't leave me alone. To top it off, I somehow got myself locked up in Lyle House, a "special home" for troubled teens. Yet the home isn't what it seems. Don't tell anyone, but I think there might be more to my house mate's then meets the eye. The question is, whose side are they on? It's up to me to figure out the dangers secrets behind Lyle House.... Before it's skeletons come back to haunt me.












The Awakening
(Darkest Powers 2) 2009

        If you had met me a few weeks ago, you probably would have described me as an average teenage girl-- someone normal. Now my life has changed forever and I'm as far away from normal as it gets. I'm a living science experiment! Not only can I see ghosts, but I was genetically altered by a sinister oranization called the Edison Group. What does that mean? For starters....
       I'm a teenage necromancer whose powers are out of control: I raise the dead without even trying. Trust me that is not a power you want to have. EVER!

       Now I'm running for my life with three of my supernatural friends- A charming sorcerer, a cynical werewolf and a half demon. We have to find someone who can help us before the Edison Group find us first. Or die trying.










The Reckoning
(Darkest Powers 3) 2010

Chloe Saunders is fifteen and would love to be normal. Unfortunatly, Chloe happens to be a genetically engeneered necromancer who can raise the dead without even trying. She and her equally gifted (or should that be cursed?) Friends are now running for their lives from the evil corporation that created them.

As if that's not enough, Chloe is struggling with her feelings for Simon, a sweet tempered sorcerer, and his brother Derek, a not so sweet tempered werewolf... Defenitly not normal.






MY REVIEW OF THE SERIES:
(Spoilers are quiet possible so reader beware!!)


As a teen series (and it is a teen series..) it's a good series. If you have read Kelly Armstrong's "Women Of The Other World" series then there are consistant things in this series as that one.

As a reader of both series I appreciate this. Consistancy is a must that some authors seem to forget.. With this series like the other there are still Cabal's, the pack is still in New York (they even bring up the pictures of the hacked up werewolf that are mentioned in women of the other world, Clay's work). Now since there is a second trilogy off of this one hopefully Mrs. Armstrong will find a way to make all the series connect at the end. I mean there is room for it with a werewolf and and witch born with a sorcerer and another witch... Do you see the possibilities??

Anyway if you are looking for a little teenage drama with light romance (it's for teens so nothing gets past first base in the series), then this is a quick and cute series to start with. If you are slightly older and looking for a little more then a PG rating but want that same genre I recommend checking out the "Women Of The Other World" series.

Kelly Armstrongs a good writer who can keep stories close enough to stay seperate or close enough to intertwine if nessesary.

I rate this series 3 1/2 stars. This is only because it's a teen series and it seem to come to a close too quickly. But the writings great and the storys fun so by all means give it a read..

Vampires Are People too!!

                    
Okay, Before I get in to my rant of vampires, werewolf and ghosts, Oh My! I want to point out that I neither believe or disbelieve in vampires and such. I am one of those people where I have to see actual proof or have evidence to disprove it. That goes with everything in life. So lets say I’m on the fence in most everything from ghost to vampires to demons and god.
Anyway, moving on.

Now Vampires….

First off why do people always assume vampires wear black. Don’t get me wrong I like the color black but honestly wearing black all the time is just blah. Now if you age I hate to tell you this your are neither vampire nor immortal. Vampires don’t die, that is at least the one thing all books, movies and shows have agreed upon.

Second if vampires existed I totally understand why we don’t know they do. I’m human and even I know that anytime we come across something we don’t understand we either kill it or experiment and dissect it. This is something I frown upon cause honestly what makes us so special that we can play destroyer just cause we’re scared. We cant be mad if we aren’t on top of the food chain cause that my friends is the circle of life and anyone who has watched Lion King as a kid should very well know that. We kill animals to survive so maybe something needs to kill us to survive. Get over it! Also I might point out that some vampire books and movies say that they only take what they need and don’t have to kill us which is really not that bad.


On to my next thing.. Why does everyone assume there cursed and soulless? Why do people automatically think vampires and Satan go hand in hand. The way I see it is if vampires were real I’d imagine they’d be the same personality wise as they were while they were mortal. They don’t need to be soulless. As far as cursed.. Living without the possibility of getting diseases and looking great eternally doesn’t seem so cursed to me. Now if they cant ingest food like chocolate for that eternity then yes that’s kind of a curse but they again, everything has a price and in today’s economy that’s pretty cheap a cost considering.
　
And lastly, lets put the non existent heart beat to rest. Maybe if they do sleep during the day, MAYBE there heart might stop but at night when there out and about they have a heart beat. I know this for the simple fact that you cant function without one. This has been proven to anyone who knows anyone who’s died. There heart stops they don’t move. So we can lay that little theory to rest. If there’s no heart beat they cant walk, talk, or pretty much anything. Now let me just end this on a nice little note of saying if there’s a heart beat in vampires and they do exist I want it put on record that if you kill said vampire its murder. Heart beat means living which means murder. Thanks for listening. Next time I might have a few questions on the theory of werewolf’s and other shape shifters.